37 knowns: Lessons and principles from 37 years of being
A week ago, I reached my 37th birthday. I look at my life and recognize that the person I am now is made from an incredible array of influences—good, bad, easy, difficult—that have shaped who I am today.
This week I thought I’d share 37 knowns—these are a mix of lessons I’ve learned and principles I hold that I believe are helpful and good.
Everything is a practice: No matter what it is you want to do or achieve, whether its peace of mind or running a marathon—the journey is practice. It is repetitively showing up and committing to something that is larger than the moment itself. Repetitively showing up pays dividends.
Nature speaks the truth: We are going to be faced with more and more complexity as we evolve as a species, it is important that we learn and remember the very laws of nature that enable us to be here thinking about anything in the first place. Those laws underpin everything we do, and everything we build. We can find patterns and leverage points in even the most complex problems if we remember the fundamentals.
Listen to your body: When you feel aches or discomfort in your body, its best to listen, be curious and find ways to respond with movement, nutrition and care rather than to ignore it or to assume someone else will fix it. Practice mindful movement, breathing and eating to better connect with your body. Do strength training to stay strong. You are the captain of your vessel, don’t be ignorant—don’t neglect its upkeep.
Hard is a mindset: Half the time when people say something is hard to do, they’re parroting a message or a sentiment rather than speaking from experience—the belief that something is too hard or super difficult to do is often more belief than reality. Some things are complex, but complexity can be broken down and managed. Some things are difficult, but get easier with exposure. And if you really get stuck or hit a wall, then you can slow down, ask for help, stop, quit, or else find an alternative path. But don’t stop yourself from doing something just because other people say its ‘hard’.
Don’t waste your time on things that don’t resonate with you: This won’t be the first or last time I remind you of how very precious your time on this planet is—but let me remind you of how precious your time on this planet is. We all have a very finite amount of time here, so if you find yourself repeatedly submitting your time to some thing or someone that creates dissonance in your heart—please stop.
Definitely don’t worry about what people think of you: People are only thinking about themselves—and if they do gossip or lob criticisms, they’re just expressing their own insecurities. Keep your friends close, and when you need feedback— ask. But don’t waste your time worrying about what anyone else is thinking.
Maximum creative velocity is a more personal principle that I hold for the design of my immediate surroundings, but I’ll share. “Maximum creative velocity” is the core directive for how I design and set up my personal space. I have this written on my work desk as a reminder to keep my space aligned with my creativity. Out of sight = out of mind, so I keep projects and goals visible and available. I want to be creative and do as much as I can while I’m on this planet, practicing this principle keeps me moving forward.
Spend a lot of time thinking about what you want: Dream up and visualize what you want 6 months from now, 1 year from now, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years and so on. Be decisive about what you want, write it down, create a vision board, then keep it to hand so that it can remind you of the actions you need to take.
Take action: Dreaming and having wonderful ideas of the future are one thing; acting on them are another. You can not dream and wish anything into your reality, you have to act. So, spend as much time as you need to dream something up, but remember that the only way to change anything is to wake up and take action.
Confidence is the dividend of repeated action: Real confidence is a gain not a given. The more you show up the more you’ll gain. You’re going to get hurt and embarrassed along the way—but the small wins you make every day by showing up for yourself and your life add up to something others will point out when you get it; ‘You’re so confident.’
PMA - Positive mental attitude: This one is from my dad :) He’s always been a proponent of positive thinking and optimism—there’s nothing on this planet the man has ever thought he couldn’t do if he wanted to. I find it useful to think the same. You have the ability to choose your mindset and position yourself to make plays that bring more goodness into your life.
FI - Focused Intensity: This is another one from my dad. He knows that if you want to get something done you’re going to need to focus and commit. It’s easy to start new things—our human brains love novelty—but following through requires intense focus.
Focus (and success) are the dividend of Sacrifice: What I’ve learned about FI is that in order to get into a state where you can deliver and follow through on a focused activity, you’re going to need to make some sacrifices. You have to say No to several other things—things that are interesting and perhaps worthy of your focus—in order to have the level of focus that enables you to fully complete or follow-through on a task. Sacrifices are like small payments you make into an account that yields dividends of success.
It is important to hold space for your emotions: When you have a strong emotional reaction to something—especially with difficult emotions—it is good to reflect on why that is. Give space to those emotions so that they can move through your body. Use meditation or give yourself some time alone in a quiet, still room to let yourself feel and process your emotions. Sometimes this will need to become a practice (or a bit of a ritual) in order to help you process difficult emotions, like grief, but it is so so important that you give yourself time and space to process and feel. Moving your body is also really important — dance, shake, stretch… imagine its an energy that is trying to get stuck in your body and you need to shake it off. Holding them back or letting those emotions fester never ends well.
Exercise and eat real, nutritious food. I know its obvious but its worth remembering because we live in a world that encourages sedentary behavior, and our food options have become more and more processed and industrial. As I get older I’ve started feeling what I refer to as “my vitality slipping” in various situations, and that feeling generally creates a sense of competition where I find myself keen to out-run, out-smart that vitality slip! I know I can’t run forever, but I have learned that I can keep my body running and feeling great if I treat my phsical vessel as if it were the only one I’ve truly got to carry me through.
Be careful of media. We are all constantly being impressed, often consuming thousands of ‘impressions’ of information in a single day. Our brains were not made to properly process and synthesize information delivered to us at the speed of scrolling. Not only have we become numb to what’s real and what’s fake, but advertisers, big corporates and other powerful entities know exactly how to inject just the right amount of content to individual minds in order to persuade. Entire elections across the globe have been manipulated by careful calibration of the media. Look up “captology.” And remember that watching or scrolling is a form of consumption—its helpful to slow down from time to time, or fast for a few days to give your brain a rest.
Schedule in down time: I’m an action-oriented person, I have a lot of energy and like to go go go, so I have found it important to schedule in some down time. For me, down time is time away from screens and work and any other demands—its time when my mind opens and I can dream or think through something important to me. Its time to go for a walk where the only thing I cast my eyes upon is the earth and its horizons. Or else it is time to rest and take naps.
Don’t forget to look up: We’re are surrounded by screens, which means we are too often focused on something that is within a short range of our eyes. Go outside, look up—look at the trees, look at them from below, look out at the city you’re in, or go to the country side, put away your phone and just walk and look—really look—at the landscape, at the horizon. I have a little trick I’ll share with you—its a way I learned to look at things as an artist, because if you want to draw something (like a tree in a landscape) you really need to investigate its details. Look at things that are some distance away — this could be a beautiful landscape or it could simply be the bookshelf across the room from you, it doesn’t really matter what — and try to imagine feeling or touching those things with your eyes. As if your eyes were fingertips. You’ll notice details you might not normally notice, and you can imagine the texture of those things. Don’t forget to look up!
Do not waste your time on things you can’t control: Don’t do it. Be careful what you get wrapped up in. Let me remind you once again that your time on this planet is finite—don’t waste it. You’ll enjoy far more rewards and dividends from focusing on things you can control, then by letting yourself get wrapped up in things you can’t.
Do not get too attached: Sometimes you need to practice letting go of something—a bad feeling, a failing project, a soured relationship, a bad habit. Attachment to things that increase suffering is a recipe for misery.
Be open minded: “Take what serves you and leave the rest behind.” We live in a world that often encourages black and white thinking, but the world is full of ambiguity and gray areas. Listen to others with an open mind, approach new activities with an open mind—don’t lock yourself out by thinking “I can’t.” Instead think “I’ll find something in this that serves me.”
Humility: Do not forget that you are on a journey, you are moving from one place to another, and you are learning as you go. Humility allows you to indicate to yourself or others that you are on a journey, that life progresses step by step, and that sometimes you aren’t right or winning—because that’s reality.
Have principles: Your principles are the map and the lighthouse that you use to guide your vessel through life’s waters.
Have goals: Set goals for yourself, big ones and small ones. You can change your goals any time, but set your sights on some thing (or things) and work towards it, every day.
Do work from the heart: Your day-job might not be the work that resonates fully with your heart, but something out there will. It is worth the time and cost to find work or a hobby that makes your heart sing.
Will it matter in 100 years? My dad and grandfather always asked this whenever one of us was getting worked up over some worries. When you find yourself worked up over something, ask yourself if it will matter in 100 years? 50 years? 10 years? Choose your battles, but don’t spin out over something that is insignificant.
Live within your means: We live in world where credit is available to us at every turn. This is a trap. Practice living within your means. And practice being financially literate—there are a thousand great resources out there to help you learn. Don’t be ignorant with your income and expenditures.
Pay yourself first: On an airplane, the safety instructions tell you to get your mask on first before you help anyone around you put on theirs. Because you can’t help others if you haven’t helped yourself first. This reflects a principle that enables you to do the same in all areas of your life. You’re going to be in a better position to help others if you look after yourself first.
Go outside: Get as much sunlight and fresh air as you can. Feel the breeze. Observe the animals, insects, plants and weather that make up this ecosystem we’re a part of. Listen to water flowing in a river, or waves crashing on the shore. We are of the earth, do not forget that.
Wear sunscreen: Don’t leave home without it.
Habits are just feedback loops: It’s important to recognize that habits—whether good or bad—are just feedback loops supported by the environment we’re in. We have the power to observe our own habit cycles and change them. We can be the architects of better routines and habits for ourselves.
Treat others with respect: You don’t have to be overly nice to everyone, but you owe others a basic amount of respect. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Heal from your past: Do what you need to do to heal. Healing isn’t a one-stop shop, and there isn’t a silver bullet—it takes work, and is as much of a practice as anything else you want to achieve in your life. But give yourself the space, time and tools to heal. You owe it to yourself and those who depend on you.
Don’t disillusion yourself by thinking you’re the only one who has suffered: The truth is that everyone hurts, everyone has trauma—suffering is a ubiquitous feature of life itself.
Put yourself out there: It’s great to spend time alone or with friends and family, but community is an essential aspect of life that bolsters you as a person. Join a club, church, community-center or go to events that will open you up to meeting new people and building your network (in person). Real life human connections—even those small conversations you have next to the coffee stand at a meetup—are validating and good for the soul.
Learn to enjoy your own company: Every one of us will have to endure periods of time where we are alone during our lives. These could be fleeting moments, or longer periods of time—no matter what, its worth discovering how to enjoy your own company.
Learn to say No: Don’t agree to do things that aren’t aligned with your purpose. Gentle reminder that your time is finite, so make sure you spend it on things that matter to you and that are within your control. Do not let others take advantage of your time without your mind and heart’s express consent.
This article was originally pubslished on Substack.