7 things I learned in 2023
Here we are, the very last day of 2023. I used to dread the darker months of the year, but as I get older I learn to appreciate the short days, and find resting and reflecting much easier to do now than in the warmer, brighter months of the year. It’s become a time of planning and looking ahead. And while I’ve been journalling a lot, I thought it’d be nice to share some reflections here, with all of you.
7 things I learned in 2023:
The meaning and value of sacrifice: This year I took on a project that was bigger than me—that is, renovating my home. I bought the house and moved in at the end of 2022, and this year has primarily been centered around getting the house done to my standards. Before starting on the house, I was incredibly active with a lot of different hobbies and physical pursuits—I used to go to a pottery studio in town weekly, I went to life drawing classes and other creative workshops; then I’d go to yoga, pilates and the gym regularly. I trained for and completed a marathon in 2022. I even took banjo lessons for a while 😂 it was fun and enriching and I loved all of those activities, but 2022 was like play-time for me—my time was filled with many small projects and activities. Then 2023 happened and this huge, overwhelming, what-have-I-got-myself-into project (home renovation) completely consumed all of my spare time and energy. At first it set me off balance, I felt out of whack, totally overwhelmed and mildly depressed because I really felt like I was losing touch. But instead of feeling down about it, one day I stood up and just started saying to myself, ‘You are making sacrifices and you will get it done.’ I changed my mindset about the cost of the renovation (not just financial cost, but cost of personal time and energy), and honestly think if I hadn’t started thinking in terms of ‘sacrifice now for big reward later’ my house would still be in disarray and I wouldn’t have finished the renovation yet. Now not only did I finish the job this year (and it looks gorgeos), but I have a new way of thinking. ‘What can I accomplish if I sacrifice X, Y, or Z?’ Many more things suddenly seem achievable now.
The art of delegation: I can’t tick this off as having fully ‘learned’ the art of delegation, but it is one that I have awakened to an am practicing and pursuing. I am a highly productive, creative person and have always been able to accomplish mountains of work on my own—and love being self-sufficient; but this year I’ve entered positions where I need to delegate. In my day-job, I’ve transitioned from product / systems designer to a manager, and am practicing leadership at a new level at my company; and of course at home I had to hire trades to do various jobs and then manage them. I’m still uncovering the art and finding the balance in how much to do myself vs. delegate to others but it’s something I expect to hone in 2024. I want to be a good leader.
The purpose of writing: I’ve dabbled in writing many times throughout the years, but never really felt called to commit to it until the later part of this year. My purpose for writing came from the experiences I’ve had in sharing knowledge with friends and colleagues. Once people around me started expressing gratitude for things I was sharing and teaching, that’s when I realized maybe it was worth giving more. I wasn’t quite sure where to start or how to siphon all the ideas in my head into discernable topics for newsletter posts, so I took an online class (thank you Holly Becker!) and set off on my journey to write. The way I think of writing write now is that it will help me fulfill long term goals. It feels like the work I’m doing now—writing and publishing once a week—are like evergreen saplings that I’m planting with the intent to grow an entire forest around those. I write and publish once a week knowing that one day I’ll be able to remix my articles into a book or two, and also knowing that each article is a spring board for further content that I’ll create—from speaking at conferences to creating long-form and short-form content online. Eventually I’d like to structure some of my information into e-courses too. I think it’s important to teach and to share knowledge. I know that my work won’t be for everyone, and that’s just fine—but I’m already reaping the rewards through this practice, including the connections I’m building with all of you (thank you for being here, friend ❤️).
Rest: This year I’ve learned to rest—to accept that I need it sometimes and to enjoy it. I come from a lineage of hard working people. I suspect most of us do—life isn’t easy, and our parents / grandparents have lived through some hard times. My mother used to always say, “make yourself useful.” We don’t waste a minute. Her parents lived off the land and made everything they had—they built their own houses, made their own clothes and quilts, and they grew and processed all of their own food. It is in my blood to work, work, work—but I’ve had enough bouts of both physical and mental burnout now to know that actually sometimes it’s worth it just to rest. I used to resist rest, because I’d start feeling antsy or depressed when I wasn’t being useful; but now I know that resting is like paying yourself, it is self-love. And I know if I take care of myself first, I’ll be able to give so much more in return.
Balancing energies: I’ve become super aware of my energies—physical, cognitive, emotional, social and spiritual. In learning to rest, I’ve been gaining an understanding of the types of rest I need depending on the type of energy I’m over-spending. I’m conscious now when I’m spending too much physical energy, I listen to my body and make adjustments as needed. When I’m using my brain a lot—especially when I’m learning or practicing new things or facing new challenges at work—I know I need to slow down and just watch TV or doodle or do art to let my brain unwind. I’ve learned to harness my emotional energy so that it helps me get stuff done. My social energy needs more nourishment—I’m aware that I am all too content being alone, solitude is truly my best friend—but I’d like to balance my social life a bit more in 2024. I plan on ‘getting out there’ a little more, getting back to some of the activities I’d sacrificed and trying some new things. And finally, this year I’ve learned that I can’t reject my spirituality—I pray / meditate often and when I don’t pray for periods of time I feel the effects; I make it a practice to quieten my thoughts and go into prayer most evenings.
The art of prayer: I don’t follow a specific religion but I do find threads of beauty and truth through all religions, and also through literature, philosophy, psychology and art history. One common ritual across religion and psychology, particularly, is meditation or prayer (or something like it) as a practice. I refer to what I do as ‘prayer’ because I think of meditation as more physical. In meditation, you’re focusing more of your attention on your body and your breath. For me, prayer is a state of meditation that’s mostly cognitive—I don’t worry about my body. It’s a state of flow where I take a few minutes to channel my energy differently. I often lean on the metta bhavana (loving kindness meditation) as a basis for my prayers, and I recount my blessings (by that I mean I consciously summon and express gratitude for all the good things in my life). This year prayer has become more of a grounding force than ever.
Meditation in movement: Years ago I learned to meditate by going to a stress-reduction course. After learning the practice, I continued doing it consistently for about 18 months. Eventually I found myself spending less time sitting on a cushion, but noticed I was tuning into breath and body during my workouts. So these days, meditation comes to me more through movement—when I’m doing repetitive movements like running or swimming, sometimes even when I’m lifting weights, I get into a state of flow and connection between my mind, body and breath. This year I’ve learned to love accessing that meditative state, and enjoy it as one of the rewards for the healthy activity I’m doing.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. I really appreciate you being here with me.
If you enjoyed this, please subscribe and share it with your friends! I’ll write again next week with more insights on the state of the art.